Four
stars on "The Hills": Total I.Q., zero 
Friday,
September 21st,
2007
I could not be any more sick of seeing these
faces if they were on my cereal box every morning. I really hope that I am
right, and that I'm not just getting old: aren't you sick of these
people? Back when "The Hills" was called "Laguna Beach" and
reality T.V. was just exploding, people got drawn into the cast because they
were under the impression that it was real. The show has since been outed
as "scripted," and in light of that, it just kind of leads us to
wonder: why do we still have to look at these faces? What do they have to
offer? This is all we can see that these four "cast members" have
in common:1. They are all tanner than us. But usually in an orange-y kind
of way.2. They're all terrible actors.3. They all have the exact same set
of teeth.4. They have a limited vocabulary.5. They fight with each other
like they're still in middle school, except they're in their twenties.6.
They'll do whatever MTV tells them to.7. They spend more time getting their
eyebrows done than you do brushing your teeth. Like, in a month.8. They were
born with a silver spoon in their mouth. And the blonde ones still use it
to purge with. Spencer included.9. They have no known talents except shopping
and using the word "like."
10. And, finally: they are four people that
never should have gotten a reality show.
Where does this bitterness come from, you may
ask? Well, we hate to admit it, but we watched "Celebrity Rap Superstar" on
MTV tonight (where Jason Wahler blessedly got eliminated), and watching that
guy trying to rap was worse than watching Britney at the VMA's.
And we're trying to make a point. How can we
be entertained by watching people with no talent? And why would people be
in the spotlight that we don't - or shouldn't - aspire to be? MTV is so disappointing
anymore.
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