I'm totally not promoting Paris Hilton by
posting this, fear not. Paris Hilton was on the David Letterman
show last night (again, we're boycotting CBS, so we saw it on YouTube),
and he pleased the audience by grilling Paris about her time in the big
house. While she's wriggling in her chair, trying to maintain her
nose-in-the-air, I'm-cooler-than-you socialite look, Dave asked her what
the food was like in prison, if she made any friends there, if she's
learned her lesson, how she's changed, and on and on.
"Have your friends treated you differently
since you've been out of the slammer?" Dave asked.
Paris kept saying she's "moved on with her
life" and didn't want to answer any more questions. And Dave
blessedly replied, "This is where you and I are different, because it's
all I want to talk about." And keeps grilling her!
She has that tight, nervous face like Bush had when he got roasted by Stephen Colbert.
"I'm not answering any questions about it,"
she says, faking a smile. "I'm here for my clothing line, my
movie, and my perfume, I'm not here to talk about that." I love
how the audience laughs when she talks about her movie, too. It
got worse: when some guy (some really, really dumb guy, must have
been - or likely someone she paid to cheer for her) yells out, "I love
you, Paris," she responds with, "I love you, too," and blows a
kiss. And Dave asks her - with perfect comedic timing - if that
was someone she met in prison.
A source told Dlisted that Paris burst into tears after the
show and her "people" told the Late Show Paris would never do the show
again. Here's the clip:
Look, I don't hate Paris Hilton. I
don't dislike her because she's rich, or because she's
had everything handed to her, or 'cause she never in a million
freaking years would have had a modeling contract if her daddy didn't
own the Hilton hotel chain. I just happen to think that her
mother probably did drugs throughout her pregnancy, and then
dropped Paris on her head as a baby, and then Paris sucked the
helium out of all the balloons at kids' parties growing up, and
then graduated to huffing from Reddi Whip cans, and then White Out
bottles, then paint cans, and finally grown-up stuff like coke and
meth and E and whatever it is the stars do these days.
Because I can't imagine how else anyone could be that
dumb. She doesn't understand anything! Even when Dave
is making fun of her, she has that blank look on her face and you can
tell she only comprehends, like, some of it.
UPDATE: And People totally posted this story 28 minutes
after us, so stop copying, man. You big, mass media
bully.
