Michelle Obama's Speech, Bill Clinton Gets Harassed By 911 Guy 
Thursday, January 31st, 2008

The Democratic Debate in Hollywood, California was live tonight, and we intended to watch it, but after the ridiculously unfair debate coverage CNN gave to Ron Paul and Mike Huckabee last night in Simi Valley, California, we are boycotting CNN. (as should any decent Republican or Democrat that saw what went down).  So, we were stuck watching Michelle Obama talking in Wilmington, Delaware, and Bill and Chelsea Clinton at a rally in Denver, Colorado.

Billy stayed awake this time.

We will post the highlights of the Democratic debate as soon as it's up on Google Video...so if you have a tape of it, get it to us pronto!

Michelle Obama sorely disappointed us.  With all the powerful issues she could have addressed, she instead chose to make the strange ventriloquist-jawed smile pictured above...something like a Chuckie doll...and talk only about hope, and futures, and pretty words that didn't address any of our economic issues, environmental issues, the housing market, the Iraq War...nothing.

She repeated the words, "See, because," over and over and over and over again.  Between every other sentence, it seemed, in between stories - stories like one about a little girl at a barber shop that Michelle made cry for no apparent reason.  I've got to get the clip of that.

"Essentially in politics the bar is set, and then you meet the bar, and they move the bar.  The bar is moving and shifting all over the place.  The irony of where we are...is that's what's happening with regular folks on the ground every day."  Allegorical things like that.

While she was speaking in Delaware, and former President Bill Clinton in Colorado, their respective spouses were off at the California debate with all the stars.

Bill Clinton - who is a very engaging speaker, we might add - was confronted in the beginning of his speech by a screaming protestor.  Bill actually stopped his speech, waved to security not the pull the man out, which was pretty shocking, and said,

"What are you screaming about?  Wait, let him talk."

The man screamed more phrases inaudible on the broadcast.

"Are you one of those 'inside job' [people]?" Clinton responded to him, referring to groups that believe that September 11th, 2001 was an inside job between terrorists and our government.

"9/11 was not an inside job, it was an Osama Bin Laden job," Clinton said, and talked about how America is looking like a fool by not addressing Al-Qaeda.  "So, we heard from you," Clinton continued.  "You go away.  Now, let's talk about America."

The man interrupted him several more times, to which Bill ignored and said, "Not talking to you...we heard you already...the first ten times."

Billy-boy should have coached Mrs. Obama on her speech - I wouldn't vote for any of these people, but I've got to say Bill has got that charm down pat.  And he addressed real things like health care, the housing market, employment, global warming, all of these things we're really worrying about and not just fluffy words about truth and hope and futures with no substance or plans behind them.  Michelle talked about none of those issues.

For his sad story - which seems to be a token politician thing these days - instead of a little girl crying at a barber shop, he talked about how much he realized the country needed to be changed for his future generations after his own open heart surgery.  "One day you'll wake up and realize...if you live to be 100 years...and many of you will...that you have more yesterdays than tomorrow's.  I did."

He could charm the pants right off you, we're telling you.

He's got those crowd-pleasing comments like, "How many people have problems with health care, raise your hand?  Put your hands down - forever - and elect Hillary Clinton for President."  And little jokes about how Hillary is more conservative on the budget than Bush is because she has this little "affliction" of still believing "in arithmetics."

He also suggested we try "slapping the living daylights out of the bank president" at our local branches.  We're not sure whether or not he was serious, but if that's legal tomorrow, hell yes, we will!

But no one is talking about how John McCain, Mitt Romney, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama all have the exact same largest campaign contributor - the largest bank in the world.  And Bill promised Hillary would use war as an "absolute last resort, not the other way around"...yet that's not what she voted for.

Enough for now.  We'll be back with a free recap of Democratic debate soon!

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