Party Like Diddy...Or Roll Your Eyes At Him 
Sunday, December 30th, 2007

Pic from GalleryOfTheAbsurd.com

We choose to just roll our eyes at him and shake our heads, but do what you will with [Diddy, Puff Daddy, Sean John, whatever his name is]'s New Year's party advice for 2008.  Diddy posted on his weblog this month his tips for you to have a rockin' New Year's Eve bash.

I'm going to add my comments in pink for shiz & giggles.

1)  "It's never sexy to be sloppy...know your limits and drink responsibly."
We disagree.  Sloppy drunk is sexy on New Year's Eve.  Just make sure to call a cab or have a designated driver. 

2)  "Ciroc...The world's best ultra-premium vodka...Enough said."
Never heard of it.  We're going with Gray Goose.

3)  "You need a great host...Like me...Someone who is a master in the art of celebration."
Modest much?

4)  "You need a great pair of shades...Because the best New Year's Eve party doesn't stop until well into the New Year."
Yes, beer/vodka goggles + dark shades, so you can end up going home with Drizella.

5)  "The right party people...Your tried-and-true friends that know how to get your party started mixed with a few new characters to keep things exciting...but everyone has to be sexy."
Wait...doesn't that mean Diddy's off the list, then?  All I can think of when I hear "Diddy" now is that mouth crust/morning breath video.

6)  "Preserve the sexy...My oldest and truest party rule.  If it's about furs and diamonds, don't show up in jeans."
This, ladies and gents, is the precise reason why I hate Diddy.  All this dude cares about is superficial, materialistic, brand name, bull shit dripping in fur and diamonds.  Fur is Dead, people...dead!  Mouth-cruster.

7)  "Music should be the soundtrack to the night...It should match the theme...It should match the flow."
"Music should be the soundtrack to the night"...it does not get more profound than that.

8)  "Food should never interrupt your swagger...Small tapas or finger foods that aren't too messy tend to work well."
i.e.:  "I don't like women who eat.  You knew that, right?"

9)  "A great bartender...Bad drinks aren't sexy...Also beautiful wait-staff are key..."
Can someone tell me when this man became the authority on sexy?  Oh, that's right, he self-proclaimed it.  Well, if you want a flighty yet stuffy, significant yet unsubstantial par-tay, feel free to staff up with Barbie dolls.

10)  "Your party spot has to set the tone for the night...It creates the blueprint for the entire evening."
Hell, why don't we just create a blueprint for a building to design specifically for the evening?

I have never been more ashamed to contribute to a person's salary than the year I watched the entire season of Diddy's Making The Band II.  Can I take that back?  That's my New Year's wish.

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