Tuscaloosa News Claims Just 25 Percent Of Alabama Is Literate
 Monday, March 24th, 2008

So I'm reading some headlines from yesterday's newspapers, and I came across this on the front page of The Tuscaloosa News from West Alabama.  "With 25 percent of Alabamians functionally literate, experts say awareness is key."  Functionally literate:  as in, supposedly only a quarter of them are able to read enough to get by.  I wouldn't have splashed that on the front page - but apparently experts say awareness is key.

I thought that rate seemed...a little low, so I went to the U.S. Census Bureau out of curiosity to find out what the literacy rates actually are from state to state.

But according to the Census Bureau's FAQ's, that's not in their job description anymore.  "Do you have data on literacy?" poses a Frequently Asked Question.  "No," the answer reads, "We have not collected data on literacy for many years."

What?!  Who made that decision?  They throw that "many" in there like a reassurance!  Yes, let's cut out literacy, who really cares to measure that.  We measure women's fertility, computer use and ownership, Hispanic origin specifically (why are we always zeroing in on Hispanics in our surveys and job applications, by the way?), and how far we travel to work; and we stopped measuring national literacy?  Apparently the job has been handed over to the National Center for Education Statistics (NCES.ed.gov), which is where the Census Bureau directs you - though the most recent data available is from 2003.

See, don't worry, Alabama, it looks like we may not be too far behind you.  This could explain why we have a President that makes up words.  Alabama was kind of at a disadvantage in the first place, phonetically-speaking...I mean, did you even know Alabama residents are referred to as Alabamians?  I had to read that twice.  There's no "i" in Alabama, someone's got to tell them that.  Alaska:  Alaskans.  Even Montana:  Montanans.  Alabama...

I'm going to use this as an excuse to call myself an Ohioian.

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